If our identity is just a story we tell ourselves, how do we actually rewrite your story, change your identity without our nervous system freaking out? This is a profound question because while you can write yourself a new story and make it up to be anything you want, there are internal mechanisms that often resist this very change.
Prefer to watch? I’ve put my video below or if you’re a reader simply continue reading the post.
The Two Conditions for Changing Your Story
In order to successfully write a new story for yourself, two fundamental things must happen. Most of us have our identity so deeply attached to our current story that we take it as the absolute definition of who we are. The real work begins with untangling this connection.
- You cannot attach your identity to the story.
- You have to have the power to change your identity.
The Liberating Truth: It’s All Made Up
Freedom comes from knowing a simple, yet profound, truth. It’s all made up. Every story that anyone tells themselves is fabricated. Everything we think we want is a construct. If someone is passionate about something, they created that passion, or their life circumstances created it for them. If they are skilled, depressed, or excited, they made that up too.
Maybe life helped them make that up and it was made up for them. But either way, it’s all made up.
This realization can be a double-edged sword. For some, hearing this is deeply unsettling. They can’t handle the reality that we create our own narratives, and the empowerment that comes with it is lost on them. They might even lose their composure. For others, this is the key to liberation.
Which Story Will You Choose to Write?
When faced with the idea that “it’s all made up,” people tend to go in one of two directions. Some hear it and think, “What’s the point?” Others hear it and realize, “Okay, if it’s all made up, then I get to make it up.” And they go and write a new story. Which one are you? Which one do you want to be?
I’ve been both of these people, and I can tell you the second option is much better. The first path leads to a spiral of despair. You take the realization that life is a story and choose the narrative of powerlessness. This leads to thoughts like, “I’m made up, so I’m worthless. Nothing matters, there’s no purpose, so I might as well do nothing.” You can fall into a really dark place.
But then, as you’re dealing with this cosmic joke, a new realization can dawn. You see that this story of worthlessness is also a story. It’s also made up, and you are actively choosing to create it. That’s when you have to ask yourself, “What am I doing to myself?” It’s a messed-up cycle, but seeing it is the first step out. If you find yourself struggling with these kinds of repeating patterns, our training on how to Break Free From Self Sabotage can provide tools to help you rewrite these limiting scripts. You can check the schedule for the next class on the registration page.
How to Rewrite Your Story, Change Your Identity Without Resistance
So, we have to be able to rewrite the story and change our identity. The challenge is that we get incredibly personal with both. The story frames our identity, and our identity feels like who we are. If we try to just burn that down and create a new one, our nervous system often triggers a visceral threat response.
If we try to change the story, the nervous system might resist, saying, “No, that can’t happen because it doesn’t fit the formulated identity.” This internal conflict is where so many people get stuck. Ultimately, the entire purpose of making choices is to write a new story for yourself. It’s about giving yourself, as a human, something meaningful to do.
